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Saturday, January 08, 2005

It seems that this is the place where i express my sufferings, not the place where i tell everyone about exciting details of my life. However, if you find my sufferings interesting, then this post might be amusing to you too as well.

I'm summoning all my strength to type this post. I don't know why, perhaps the new year means a year of trouble and hurdles for me. Being sick on new year is already a bad omen, but sick twice within 1 week of one another, that's something else.

Maybe my body is saying that it can't take it anymore. Maybe i'm just tired of everything. Maybe my time is arriving. Maybe.

Normally when you're sick you don't think of anything else but concentrate on sleeping and recuperating. My case? Well it seems my brain just differs from others. It likes to create images of people in the third worlds suffering from worse diseases than me - dysentry, cholera, pneumonia and malaria. Especially when the catastrophe - the Tsunami occurred due to the mighty earthquake. I just feel it in my gut - the earth is dying... and so am i.

I want to recuperate and continue with my life but no, my fever doesn't allow it. It's burning at 38.6 degrees and scorching my entire body. I feel parched, even though i'm drinking water excessively. The thumpings and continuous throbbing of my brain just adds up to the pain i'm suffering. I want to go into a coma... i want to feel nothing; no pain no agony of lying on my bed, gasping for breath while my chest heaves up and down when i cough. Give me a jab, anything besides panadol that can help sooth my body. Please.

I know this post is very sadistic but i can't help nor stop myself from writing this. I'm expressing myself for all the pain and agony i've suffered, people have suffered. I may be too nonsensical or exaggerating to most of you, but i feel this is something i have to speak, before i recuperate and forget all about misery.

Good health is something we should not take for granted. For my case, i'm born with a weak immune system. Shit happens. That's why i treasure each and every day i'm healthy. Still, i thank my mom and dad and my brother for encouraging me to recover. Being there for me, with their hearts pouring with an enormous amount of sympathy and love, is something i am so deeply moved.

I love my parents, I love them so much i can die for them. That's the price i'm willing to pay. And who knows? Maybe i'll just leave before them.


With all my strength and consciousness,
Thank you all for being part of my life.

Vuitton pen, 1/08/2005 02:57:00 PM.

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